Today I realized something very important about who I am as a person and about the character I want to have as I grow into a better teacher.
I tend to think of myself as a kind person – with a big heart and lots of love to give. I am all about kindness, openness, but today I showed both kindness one minute and rude behavior another minute. My kindness comes much easier when I know I will be thanked or praised. I think we all enjoy being kind in situations like that – where you know it will be recognized as being good. But the moment of rude behavior came out of my challenge with apologizing.
I don’t apologize easily. I hate admitting when I have made a mistake – its embarrassing for me to be wrong – I usually am very hard on myself when I have done something wrong – but to those on the outside of my brain they may see me as a rude employee or teacher who doesn’t have the courage or mind to apologize for being wrong.
It’s a very important thing for me to realize. I’m glad that I noticed it.
I have to work on apologizing. Of admitting fault.
Of course there are certain people that I apologize easily and quickly to. Generally I am good about such things – but at certain times in certain places I’m not quite as apt to apologize and instead I make myself appear busy in a corner while someone else does the apologizing.
To apologize right now just seems to me admitting fault – but in reality apologizing is a way of building relationships – building bridges – and making amends.
Here’s to making more amends.
Here’s to making more friends.
Here’s to reaching out to strangers every now and again.
It’s time I put my open-minded and empathetic theories into action as the person I am.
I have been exhausted as of late – I have been working and stretching myself far too thin (I admit it. I’m doing too much right now) – so now I must work on being kind in all these moments as I work on 5 hours of sleep (if that) or rehearse in the 17th hour of my day.
Kindness in times of weakness or exhaustion are bound to get me even further in this world and a more positive reception for when I am weak.