Nothing seems quite as bad once you get on your bike and ride.
I’ve been avoiding the fresh air, the physical exertion required. I’ve been complaining of the cold weather and of how lazy I’ve been – which the two shouldn’t necessarily correlate – but I let it. I let it all happen.
But today I jumped back on my bike and I biked for a good 40 minutes. I was exhausted upon arrival home. I was exhausted riding the way there – but it was a marvelous exhaustion.
And the entire ride I kept thinking to myself about the basic logic of a bike – in order to stay balanced you have to keep moving (once the training wheels come off) and well my training wheels are off
and thus every day I need to remind myself that I have to keep moving – in order to keep this crazy life balanced I have to keep moving forward and not get stuck in the past. I can’t pause when I’m upset or worried or afraid. I have to ride forward.
I have to go to work and deal. I have to keep the smile on my face and let anything negative go to the wayside. I need to get up in the morning, drink my cups of coffee, go to bed when its close to midnight, I need to go to rehearsals, have surgeries here and there, go to auditions. I need to fail and fall and get right back up because no one will stop to help me up. No one will wait for me.
I won’t even wait for me.
So thus I move forward.
Today I auditioned for something that would be magnificent (though its unlikely I’ll be called back unless I was much more impressive than I think I was), I taught a class all on my own and was told that I’m doing a good job – that my program is going well and that my techniques are impressive, I made cuts to a copy of 12th Night for my very own summer project and have plans to cut down a copy of Midsummer so very soon, and above all the weather is looking up so I’m looking up.
My nails are pink and black with sparkles, it was opening day for the Brewers, Milwaukee is unfolding around me and I’m excited for the changes ahead.